


how did it end up like this?

by embalmers



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: F/M, Father/Son Incest, Implied Sexual Content.... or is it!?, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22509574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embalmers/pseuds/embalmers
Summary: He was listening in, because of course he was. Raine’s words had made him more on edge especially after Lloyd had found out Kratos was his father.The two on a snowy balcony together.Anyone else together under different circumstances and it’d be romantic.
Relationships: Kratos Aurion/Lloyd Irving, Raine Sage/Zelos Wilder
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	how did it end up like this?

There was something Raine was missing from this situation that was nagging her. It was right there, obvious in every way and yet she couldn’t grasp it at all. That’s what she felt when looking at Kratos. Of course there were reasons not to distrust him; he had saved the Chosen, Lloyd and most importantly Genis’ lives and now Lloyd’s for the second time. The three of them being alive aligned with his motives, whatever they may be, that at least meant something but...

He just knew too much.

However, when was being intelligent a crime? She wasn’t stupid, far from it; she knew she was smart but she was one of few in a tiny village. If she wasn’t the teacher in Iselia, there was no one else who could take up her position. And even then, she was not the best, far from it. Put up against others in Sylvarant rather than the tiny village, maybe Raine wouldn’t be so impressive after all. It wasn’t a thought she liked to dwell on often.

Kratos just couldn’t be one of those people? ...Right?

The story didn’t make sense, he sounded far older than he claimed. When he spoke of an event of the past for Lloyd to learn from, it felt like he was talking about a hundred years ago, not two or three. That sort of older, a thing of history to him. All of this knowledge from a simple mercenary.

She was missing something. She just hoped she’d figure it sooner rather than later. That hopefully the truth would come out when he felt able to trust it to them or uncovered it herself. 

In the meantime, all she could do was observe.

  
  


She wasn’t sure if she was looking too much into things that weren’t there or she was seeing something she shouldn’t have witnessed in the first place. Kratos on his own was puzzling her more by the day, but put Lloyd and Kratos together and she was left with nothing but unanswered questions. 

Lloyd needed mentorship and tutoring, Raine knew that first hand. Where she had failed, he had managed to swoop in and take over. Despite distrusting him, she couldn’t argue with the results that she was seeing. Lloyd was getting stronger, thinking first rather than rushing in, listening and reflecting on situations. It was all thanks to the mercenary. He was providing what she couldn’t have given the boy.

There was more to it than simple tuition - that’s what her gut told her. Raine didn’t want to read too much into it but the interest he showed in him made her slightly on edge. She couldn’t rule out a darker intent just yet.

Surely all Kratos should care about is protecting the Chosen and getting her to the tower. That’s what he was paid for, not taking a teenager under his wing to train. She started noticing more of it though, he didn’t even seem to regard Colette much, nor show interest in training her. Wouldn’t that make sense, helping her get stronger so she can protect herself and make his job easier? Why just Lloyd? Why not all three of the childhood friends?

While her mind was occupied with  _ what ifs _ and  _ whys _ , the thought passed on what if Kratos could read minds. Silly really, but just as she was beginning to unravel all these loose ends, he shut down her only way to look into the two of them.

Training with Lloyd used to be in view of the group, off to the side but always where she could see them. It was innocent enough, just sparring together. It was like Kratos had caught onto her being wary of him with the other so much because before she knew it, he was taking Lloyd off in private to train away from her gaze. They’d come back an hour or so later with the younger covered in dirt marks and scrapes, worn out and tired but his eyes warm when looking at the other. 

Lloyd used to hate the mercenary, Raine put it down to misplaced jealousy over the other’s skill and being kicked out of his strongest swordsman spot. After saving his life for the second time he had started warming up to him, going out of his way to try to get closer to the man, learn simple things about him. She hadn’t thought Kratos was reciprocating that feeling but apparently she was wrong.

She didn’t want to think about the worst case scenario. It was the fact they  _ could  _ be doing anything out there together, that made her scared. Jumping straight to the worst case scenario wasn’t like her, but what else could she do when in Lloyd’s presence, the usually stoic man became softer, and smiled more. Only around him.

She so desperately wanted to pull her ex student to one side, tell him not to be so close with the older man, he was still  _ so young _ . That he couldn’t be trusted at all, that he was being used, that they didn’t know anything about him. 

But it would get back to Kratos. 

And he’d know she knew. 

She couldn’t let her suspicions of him show until she’d found everything out. It felt like she was failing Lloyd again, hurting only him to buy her some time to figure things out.

It felt like she was too late though.

-

He’d had enough of the red haired bastard popping up all over the place, giving his two cents filled with cryptic bullshit then leaving. Seeing Kratos all the time wasn’t on his list of things he wanted to deal with, let alone constantly. 

Doesn’t he have a job? Working with Yggdrasil? Duties to carry out and all that? Why in the world was he taking so many breaks from work to pop down to check on how they were all doing?

Who was he kidding? To check on how  _ Lloyd _ was doing.

It made him sick thinking about it too much. From what he’d heard the guy had tried to kill his own kid and then betrayed him. That was all that Zelos had to hear to sow the seeds of hate, but having to listen to the crap that came out of his mouth every time they had a ‘coincidental’ run in.

The thing that made him the most ill was Lloyd’s reactions to seeing Kratos. 

The constant was the anger, the hotheadedness that only a teenage boy like Lloyd could work up when being accused by someone stronger than him that he was weak. Accusations thrown about; the kid just wanted some answers to basic questions. 

Zelos knew the answers to a few, but he never said anything. He had appearances to keep up too of course.

Then came the cryptic tone and some vaguely concealed hint, pushing Lloyd in a direction which was going to aid him. Whether he took it or not was usually left to the group to decide, almost always not following it, not wanting to trust an enemy. The fucker really thought that he could tell them what to do and expect the advice to be followed after what he’s done? 

Really, Zelos didn’t know what fantasy Kratos was living in.

And then after Kratos had waltzed off on his merry way, the part would come where he would freeze in panic. 

Lloyd’s eyes watching the retreating back of his father would turn from anger and resentment to longing. Caramel eyes would sadden and eyebrows would frown, not from rage anymore but from pain. Zelos knew the expression too well.

Whenever he saw the reaction, all that he could do was stare. There was a morbid curiosity that kept him enthralled. Wondering what in the world after all that the fucker had put the kid through, that he could remain loyal and longing for him to be back by his side?

The others might not know, maybe they wouldn’t ever. Zelos hoped Lloyd would find out just so the longing could be erased and turned into hate completely. The disgrace of a father could get what he deserves. He knew what he was. Betraying and trying to kill his own son while still rubbing salt in the wound, putting the boy through more frustration.

When he talked with Pronyma, he’d heard some rumours about keeping Lloyd alive because of the interest in his exsphere. They’d been dropped but it was obvious who had started that idea.

Pick your poison Lloyd, lab rat for experimenting on your exsphere so that Daddy doesn’t feel bad about you being dead or killed so that the boss isn’t sad.

And then he’d realise the conversation has moved on from Kratos making his appearance and about what they need to do next. Shake himself out it, blink down to the ground and hope by the time he looks up again, that Lloyd’s expression has vanished.

  
  


He thinks the moment that most stood out to him was when the traitor rejoined them again much to his misfortune. Really, first he was popping up everywhere and now he had to fight alongside him? Zelos really hated Lloyd for insisting he be on his team. The world had it out for him.

At least Raine was with them so he wasn’t on his own enduring this shit.

It started out fine, Lloyd was angry at Kratos still, reluctant to this team up and Zelos could handle that. That’s how it should be after all.

But then the anger started dissipating. One comment from Kratos about Lloyd’s improvement in his abilities since he’s been gone and Zelos was seeing red. Now they were bantering back and forth, the other two’s presence practically ignored. Their fighting synchronised perfectly without words. Lloyd giggling at something the man said and in return a smirk on the older’s face. Everything was wrong with this.

The worst part came at having to witness them talk outside the kid’s house and him being sad about him leaving again. 

_ Again _ . That’s what got him. Putting his child through more pain yet again, Kratos really knew no bounds.

And Lloyd, in all his Lloydness, went and said he couldn’t think of the guy as an enemy. Spilled his whole heart out to him and the bastard just walked away again. 

While he’d been distracted, seething with anger at the shitshow in front of him, he was unaware that his poorly covered reactions had garnered the attention of a pale blue gaze.

  
  


“You might be good at fooling everyone else, but you won’t be able to get away with it around me.”

Looking up at the silver haired beauty in the moonlight, he had to think about how to play his response with her. There was an endless list of things that she could be referring to that she could have found out.

Was it that he hated himself? That he was working with Pronyma, planning to betray them and was only thinking of himself? Uncovered the truth as to why he hated snow so much? That everyday he was becoming more and more tired of his existence? That he was becoming exactly what he hated? What had Raine uncovered?

“Oh there’s no tricking you gorgeous, do tell, what couldn’t I fool you on?”

“Cut the flattery. There’s something bothering you, it’s about Lloyd and Kratos. I feel the same. You’re not very discreet with your reactions.”

Right to the point. 

Zelos was relieved honestly. There were far worse things she could have uncovered on him than his opinion on the bastard and his son. What intrigued him though was…

“Feel the same, hm? So you caught on too?”

She was frowning down at him, clearly not having this conversation with him by choice, but then again, he wasn’t unaware of the dislike everyone here had of him. Especially a half-elf like herself. But she’d come to him for a reason albeit her reluctance and admittedly, he was curious. Raine had been with the group while Kratos was still there. He wanted to know why Lloyd could stay so loyal after what he’d seen.

“I’ve had a feeling since the beginning, ever since I met Kratos, that something wasn’t right. I tried to work out what it was that wasn’t sitting right with me but ended up piecing things together too late. I don’t want to make the same mistake again so excuse me for being a bit too observant of your reactions.”

So he felt off since the start to her, did he? He was impressed, she had a good radar for awful parents. And she had far more insight into the situation than what he had. Zelos would bite.

“Why… does he care so much about him? You see it in the eyes whenever he shows up around him. Lloyd misses him. How can you miss him when he betrayed and almost killed him?”

Call it closure of wanting to know why his father had done the same to him. Or to prepare for how he was going to do the exact same that Kratos had. What Raine didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.

“When we were travelling together, Kratos played a sort of mentor role to Lloyd. They trained together, he took him under his wing. I am grateful for that, he learnt a lot from him that I wasn’t able to teach him.”

A more hot headed Lloyd not doing homework was all he could picture in his mind. And an exasperated teacher sighing at her wasted efforts. Cute.

“But the lessons became private before I knew it. I don’t know what they did while I couldn’t see but they became closer as a result. I suspect whatever bond they have is a result of that and why Lloyd misses him so much despite everything.”

Raine wasn’t saying it out loud but he got the drift. Of course, she didn’t know that Kratos was his father so her mind went to the worst. Despite the lengths his hate went for the man, he sincerely doubted Kratos was that awful of a father to do something so sinister that she was picturing. 

Zelos decided that it was just a father trying to get closer to his estranged son again without the prying eyes of strangers albeit in an awkward way. And Lloyd must have got a bit too attached along the way to another father figure. That’s what he was getting from it at least.

“I see.”

A pause and a slight frown matched with downcast eyes. She was obviously blaming herself for not protecting her student better.

“I know it’s not my place to say, darling, but don’t blame yourself for whatever you are blaming yourself for. Lloyd would have found a way to get closer to him one way or another even if you had intervened, the kid is stubborn. You couldn’t have prevented the bastard betraying you either. His mind was made up.”

She looked surprised at that, eyes wide at his reassurance. It’d be insulting to anyone else, that he was incapable of comforting people or something, but he was used to this.

“Thank you… I didn’t expect that from you. You’re more insightful that you want to come across Zelos.” 

Raine got up and was preparing to leave; the conversation was over. It must have been a relief to her that she at least had one confidant who could see Kratos’ true nature.

He was just relieved at her not knowing his own.

“And hiding a lot more. Maybe I’ll find it all out someday.”

_ Never mind. _

With a final polite smile, she walked away leaving him alone, raw and defenseless. His mask had slipped far too much. 

She was a lot more observant than she wanted to come across.

  
  


He was listening in, because of course he was. Raine’s words had made him more on edge especially after Lloyd had found out Kratos was his father. 

The two on a snowy balcony together. 

Anyone else together under different circumstances and it’d be romantic. 

Zelos was hoping this was it; that Lloyd would finally condemn him for being a failure of a father that he always had been. That he’d drop this disgusting loyalty and longing that was always present and replace it with hate for being manipulated like this. That he’d finally stop giving him the time of day that he didn’t deserve.

But he didn’t.

For some reason, Zelos wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

There were details about his mother’s death making him shudder to the core. It reminded him of blood splatters in untouched snow. 

_ “Then I met you.” _

The words cemented it all for him, tossing and turning them over in his head. He felt sick all over again, like every time he had to see Lloyd pull those love sick eyes at his father’s disappearing acts.

_ Love sick. _

Yes. Raine was right.

Why? Why did it have to be this way? Out of all the ways this scene could have gone down to find a way to laugh right in his face, why this way? Life had a way of kicking Zelos down at every opportunity and this was the next big one. It was playing a sick joke on him it seemed.

And after he’d given Kratos enough credit and not believe the teacher. For all he hated the man, he truly hadn’t expected him to sink this low.

Lloyd too, to be okay with it all after knowing the truth. Zelos was fine calling the kid a victim to the awful father manipulating and using an unknowing son. But now? Well, like father, like son they say.

Over the noise of everything spinning in his head, he could barely make out that Kratos was leaving yet again after a suspiciously long pause. 

He didn’t want to picture it; he’d had enough.

The fucker had shit to do apparently. Of course that involves him. He’d approached Zelos of all people in the middle of the city asking him to consume Aionis and wield that sword. Like hell he was asking  _ him _ because he trusted him with the task. He was the last resort. A means to an end.

The audacity he always had, making demands of people whenever he pleased and expecting everyone to just follow his commands and trust him after all he’s done. After this has been going on behind everyone’s backs. 

Well, if they thought they were the only ones with secrets then they were sorely mistaken.

Lloyd didn’t trust him, that much was obvious from the beginning. And then they pull  _ this. _

Zelos could expose them. He doubted anyone other than Raine would believe him. Would it even change anything? Doubtfully. No, he had a better idea.

Either go out with a bang or finally get his life back…

To hell with it.

  
  


_ Seles, I’m sorry. _

-

Often now, she finds herself wanting to turn to Zelos of all people and either give him a knowing look or ask if he’s seeing what she’s seeing. But he’s gone and she can’t ask him anything now.

So, it’s back to how things were before, her observations all to herself. She really didn’t like the thought that she missed Zelos, but his presence just as another person who understood what she was thinking when it came to those two was a great reassurance to her. And she wonders how she could have done things differently, maybe changed something. Saved him even.

They had a lot in common, the one that stood out to her the most was his situation with his mother and sister. Just like before, she wished she had realised before it was too late.

What wasn’t too late though was Lloyd. He was still here, but maybe not for long. She wasn’t going to lose anyone else.

Kratos had demanded him and his son fight in the forest. It wasn’t the first time the man had fought with killing intent on his own son, Raine remembered too well the previous times they’d battled against the angel. Any normal person wouldn’t forgive their father for doing that to them. But Lloyd’s forgiveness seemed to know no bounds and didn’t mind whatever he’d done, whatever he was about to do now. Really, if it were any other person that was Kratos’ son and he would be dead from how much he had messed up.

A dark thought in the back of her mind on maybe that wouldn’t be so bad when Zelos should be alive instead.

And even now, the night before they were going to fight to death, while Lloyd would normally have talked with Colette and Genis about his worries or shared some talk with Sheena about what was to come and get advice in return, he was nowhere to be found. Colette told her that he’d gone to bed early and didn’t want to talk with anyone. 

He’d changed. She wasn’t going to pretend that that wasn’t Kratos’ influence on him. Raine didn’t know what had happened about the relationship between the two of them after the truth had been unveiled to all of them, but she hoped for Lloyd’s sake that they did not continue it. Again, any normal person would condemn and hate with every fibre of their being for getting used like that, without the knowledge of the blood ties. It made her despise the man even further, calling himself a father but acting like a disgrace of one. What did Lloyd see in someone like that?

She wondered maybe if her own mother was there in Kratos’ position, that she might feel the same way that Lloyd does. That maybe what he was feeling wasn’t abnormal amounts of forgiveness but just a child happy to have their father in their presence again after so long. That if they excused every action, they’ll stay this time, be together again. 

Raine could… sympathise with that. She might even feel the same if the positions were switched. It was quite scary how eerily familiar Kratos felt to her own absent mother, with what little she remembered.

Her thoughts drifted to what Zelos would say in response to all of this if he was here.

  
  


_ “I’m not sure that’s a discussion you’d like to get into gorgeous. Might kill the mood.” _

_ Raine just blinked in response, he was clearly trying to dodge out of this conversation. She wouldn’t let him.  _

_ What had he been doing sneaking back into the inn this late anyway? It was her, Zelos, Lloyd and Colette staying back in Flanoir with the other’s gone to the Altessa’s. Lloyd was missing right now, she’d assumed he was with Zelos but apparently not with his sudden return again. Honestly, when she found the boy. _

_ “Okay, okay, I get it, I get it. But only because it’s you, beautiful, that I’ll spill where I’ve been,” he quipped. She droned out all the fluff wishing he’d get to the point already. _

_ “...Or more importantly what I heard.” _

_ Her ears pricked. Looking at his face he had dropped the smirk and now had a laid back smile on his face that didn’t reach the eyes. _

_ “What Zelos?” _

_ “You won’t like it. One Lloyd Irving was on the balcony having a secret rendezvous with none other than yours truly, Daddy dearest.” _

_ She shuddered at her suspicions again, being proved true. There was anger in his voice, poorly hidden. They were on the same wavelength. _

_ “I see…” _

_ Previously Raine had thought the two had a relationship of the sexual nature before he betrayed them. It seemed like a lifetime ago to her after everything that had happened since then. And now after the knowledge that Kratos was Lloyd’s father she honestly wasn’t sure if what she had been thinking then was right or not. Put it to not knowing everything at the time and her seeing the worst case scenario. _

_ But a part of her still, despite how desperately she wanted to crush it out, thought she was right. It made her sick. _

_ “Love you’re looking pale. Want a breath of fresh air?”  _

_ “Please.” _

_ The air was chilly and it was deathly quiet out. It eased her nauseousness completely, even if she couldn’t quite distract her thoughts from the cause of it. Snow was falling very lightly, barely feeling it when it landed on her hair or shoulders. Glancing over at the red head, she knew something was wrong tonight. _

_ Zelos looked tired. He wasn’t putting on his usual front or image. No smile gracing his face. _

_ “You probably heard it from the president but I hate the snow.” _

_ She had. Hadn’t taken much from it at first but if it was important enough for him to be telling her then she’d listen. He was clearly working himself up to something. Finally something to do with the things he was hiding?  _

_ “And I hate this place even more…” he continued, sighing.  _

_ He looked tired, exhausted. But a spark of something that he wanted to say this. She listened expectantly. _

_ “My mom. She uh, died here.” _

_ Ah. _

_ What could she even say to that? _

_ Any words she could have had, died on her tongue when she saw his expression change right in front of her. Zelos wasn’t looking at her, outwards at nothing. What went from a thoughtful, maybe even slight hope in his eyes got blotted out in an instant like he had remembered something important. Whatever he was going to say must have got stuck in his throat as he closed his mouth and remained silent instead.  _

_ The mask went back up. He smiled at her dashingly. _

_ It never reaches the eyes. _

_ “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Sorry for the bombshell doll.” _

_ She looked from his face to the lights of the town out around them, anything to stop this feeling of dread.  _

_ “Come on it’s cold out, let’s get back inside,” he whispered. She nodded mutely in response. _

_ Too late, too late, too late again Raine. _

  
  


“Ow!”

Looking up, she turned to see Lloyd clutching his ankle and wincing. Before she could even say a word or make her way over to him to see what the issue was, Kratos was there next to him.

“Lloyd!”

“Lloyd, are you alright?” came Colette’s call as she joined the two. Raine could only watch the scene unfold.

The older man was holding his son in his arms now, carefully untangling his hands from his ankle to make sure he was okay. The flush of red on the younger’s cheeks wasn’t unnoticed by her. Colette was crowding over the two but it wasn’t because of her he was blushing, she was sure.

“Really, it’s okay! I just tripped,” he spluttered over the two of them fussing. 

The blonde was pulling away from the two and smiling down at her childhood friend. Kratos helped Lloyd to stand. She wasn’t good at reading his expressions but from the tiny frown in his eyebrows it looked something akin to worry.

“Be more careful and pay attention to where you’re walking.”

And Lloyd was smiling in response. Purely directed at Kratos.

Whatever happened to the man who almost killed his son back on the Tower of Salvation? What had happened to the pain of betrayal that Lloyd had felt? He’d almost succeeded killing his son on multiple occasions, lied to him, manipulated and led him down the path he wanted and the boy could just ignore it all and gleam at him like it was nothing.

Zelos was right. Zelos should be here. This isn’t right.

Looking at the boy smiling at his father, she couldn’t take it and had to tear herself away.

Nobody but her knows and what can she do with this pain? Nothing. Because she had been too late.

Raine finds herself wondering what Zelos would say right now.

But she can’t ask him; she never will be able to again now.

**Author's Note:**

> raine/zelos fic in the disguise of a kralloyd fic. i cant yall i got brain damage writing this  
> mr brightside should be played on repeat while reading this  
> ANYWAY I LIVEEEE!!! november was the last time i wrote fic... ive been in a serious writers block for ages and nothings shifted it so i had to go back to kralloyd to get me outta it of course. hopefully ill be back to the usual het ship schedule after this
> 
> the stuff about lloyd and being experimented on for his exsphere that zelos talks about is real btw. when kratos first betrays the party he obvs isnt gonna kill lloyd so he was thinking if he hadnt been saved by the renegades that he could keep lloyd alive by having him taken for experimentation on his exsphere as its useful to cruxis. all that can be found in tales of fandom vol 2 if you want to find out more. i always found it an interesting detail that kratos would really be that much of a pushover that he'd be like, betraying the organisation i work for because my sons about to die again? haha no silly, i dont wanna make mithos sad. lloyd be a good lab rat okay? the man is USELESS
> 
> i don't have anyone checking for grammar/spelling errors so sorry if there are any  
> thanks for reading!


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